A Better Pair of Shoes, a novel
Chapter 9, 10, and 11
Chapter 9, 10, and 11
Ketly’s Heart Break
I couldn’t stop thinking about Jeff
since the day before when I had casted him as the best supporting actor in my
fantasy. I longed to hear his voice and
even get into some adult conversations, which I was certain he would not
refrain from. That was the thing neither
one of us could deny; our chemistry and our mutual desire for each other. We couldn’t deny it when we met, and although
I now knew the truth about his ways; it still couldn’t be denied. But before I could pick up the phone, it began
ringing.
“Great, who is this trying to
disrupt my plans?” I thought.
“Hello?” I quickly answered
“Hey Ketly.” I heard Jeff’s voice on the other end.
“Hey!” “What a coincidence.” I thought but didn’t
say.
“What’s going on—how’s Shayne?”
“He’s wonderful.”
“And you?” He smoothly switched gears. And I knew because I probably wouldn’t have
done it any differently.
“I’m good.”
“Well I was calling to let you know
I’m in town, and to see if I can come by to see baby boy before I leave.”
“How long are you going to be
here?”
“I’m leaving Monday morning early.” Jeff sounded busy and booked solid as usual.
“Well, tomorrow’s okay. Is that good for you?” I asked, hoping it would go my way.
“I’m on your time, so I’ll take it
where I can get it.” He said, calling
himself being a player, but I was looking forward to getting more than what I had
previously hoped for. I figured picking
Saturday over Sunday would give us two days together. I knew after Saturday he wouldn’t want to
leave.
“What time can I come by?”
“Probably around three.” I chose carefully; knowing that if I made it
too early, he might get restless. Yet, if
I made it too late in the day, he’d know I was on to him, and wanted him to
come. Three was perfect—it would give me
enough time to make dinner and invite him to stay to eat.
“Cool. I’ll see you guys then.” He said nonchalantly.
“Okay. Later.”
I tried not to sound anxious, but I was.
I hadn’t had sex in almost six months; not since we had broken up, and I
hadn’t seen Jeff in almost three months.
Funny, the last time he came to see Shayne I couldn’t even think about
sex. I was between anger and too damn
tired. I knew my feelings were still raw,
but I was hoping I’d be able to just focus on the goal. It wasn’t like I wasn’t still in love with
him. Hell, I was crazy about him. It’s just that after he cancelled his
relocation at the last minute, and couldn’t give me a good enough reason—I just
thought; I don’t want to be played; anymore!
I think it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done—letting him go. I had just had Shayne, and I certainly wanted
him with us. What upsets me the most is
that I was perfectly fine with our arrangement.
Why did he complicate everything with all kinds of promises he had no
intentions on keeping? I just didn’t get
that!
The next day, I got up bright and
early, and began preparing for Jeff’s visit.
I took out Shayne’s outfit, and packed his baby bag just incase I was
wrong about Jeff’s intentions. Next, Shayne and I were off to the grocery store.
I quickly decided on meatloaf for dinner, and discreetly grabbed a pack
of condoms on my way to the register. I
stopped to my beautician to get my barely there fro shaped up and colored, and
ended up there for two whole hours. But
I was still in good shape, with enough to get home and freshen up. I didn’t forget that it wasn’t officially a
date, and so I simply wore a pair of jeans (that fitted me precisely) and a
long, fitted, short-sleeve, pink top. I chose a pair of dangling gold earrings, and did my make up, but wore no lipstick, for a “no thought to it look”. A little
trick I’d learned. I spread out one of
Shayne’s blankets on the living room floor, and put some of his favorite toys
out. I turned the TV to cartoons and
waited for the remaining twenty minutes.
When the knock at the door finally came,
I jumped up and then waited a just moment.
I opened the door, but to my surprise it was Raina. I looked back to check my clock and it was
ten minutes to three. I felt
panicked. I didn’t know why she had come,
but I needed to quickly get rid of her.
“Hey Ketly, I just wanted to invite
you over to my game night this evening.
A bunch of us are getting together to play scrabble and then
dominoes. I don’t know if you’re
interested, but I just wanted to give you an invite.”
“Oh, that sounds great but I don’t
know if I’ll be able to make it. Can I
let you know later?” I said not wanting
to end up alone and bored if Jeff didn’t stay.
“Sure!” Raina overly emphasized.
“Okay and thanks.” I closed the door and looked back up at the
clock. Two minutes had passed. And just as I made it back to the couch,
another knock—hopefully the one I was so eagerly awaiting.
“Who is it?”
“Jeff.”
I opened the door for the second time, and looked up to lock
eyes with my son’s father.
“Hi.” I said with a smile.
“Hello.” I wanted to kiss him and hug him, but I knew
I had to play it cool.
“Shayne’s in the living room.” I stood there watching as Jeff got down and
picked up my precious joy. He smiled and
kissed him on his forehead, and announced proudly,
“Hey baby boy, it’s your daddy.” I didn’t know how Shayne would react, but he
smiled his big smile as Jeff continued on talking to him.
“Daddy missed you man. You know that? Yeah, I did!”
I watched for a few more moments as Shayne got all of Jeff’s love and
affection. Then he directed his
attention to me.
“So, what have I missed? Is he trying to talk yet?”
“Not yet, just baby talk.”
“You look good.” He couldn’t help himself any longer.
“Thanks. So what brought you in town this time?”
“Mostly Shayne, but I do have
business here too. I’m trying to set up
some promotional stuff for the new book.”
“I got your check.”
“I know. It cleared.
But you could have called.”
“For what?”
“I don’t know, just
communication. You know. What’s the big deal? We can’t be friends no more?” Jeff appeared upset.
“What’s the big deal? Well, I’m sorry it’s not as easy for me to
act as if nothing ever happened. You
said you wanted to be with me remember!
Now you want to be friends; what else do you think you want?” I had already lost my cool.
“You ended it not me.” Jeff reminded me in an awfully punishing
tone.
“Whatever, you know you were
playing me all along.”
“Never! I love you.”
Jeff was walking towards me.
“So why’d you cancel all our plans
without even talking to me. And why
won’t you let us come to you if it’s about your career? I’m willing!”
I asked with tears in my eyes.
“It’s just not the right time. I just wish you could be patient.”
“You’re married. Just say it.
Just tell me the truth! Why can’t
you just be honest?
“You’ve been to my home. You know I’m not married.”
“Then what? What is it?”
“I just don’t know if I’ll be any
good at this. I’ve never been with one
woman, and I thought I could, but I don’t want to disappoint you. I love the way I feel when I’m with you, but
I don’t know that I can be faithful to you.
If I move in with you or you with me, then before I look, you’ll be
talking marriage, and I’m just not there yet.”
I stood there listening to Jeff be unbelievably honest with me. I couldn’t handle it. My knees were weak, my insides were sick—I
wanted to regret meeting him, falling in love with him, and trusting him, but
if I did I would have to return Shayne to the Gods and I couldn’t. He was the best part of us; nothing but pure
joy. Jeff came closer and held me in his
arms. He pulled my head to his chest and
kissed the top of my head. I could feel
his compassion, and I could hear his heart beating rapidly.
“Please don’t regret us, and please
don’t hate me. I need you. You’re my best friend, and I miss you. I miss
you like hell.”
“I miss you too.” I could feel myself reaching up for a kiss,
but Jeff never came to meet me.
“I can’t. It’ll just make things more complicated.” I pulled away from the warmth of Jeff’s
embrace. He quickly said good-bye to
Shayne and left. I sat on the floor
holding my sweet baby boy with tears running down my face, hoping the scent of
his father wouldn’t leave us.
Kayla Nudged
Just after trying to console Aisha
the night before, I received a call from Ketly.
She was in pretty bad shape; crying and mumbling and more crying. I just tried to listen. I guess she couldn’t reach Aisha, and that
put me next in line. I don’t know, but I
was getting quite sick of all the freaking drama. Was it something in the air; was it the
moon? I didn’t even have time to focus
on my dilemma. Chaos was determined to
persist. And on top of all the madness,
we were about to go visit Camie’s sister, and meet her daughter Hannah. I was hoping that it would all go well,
because I didn’t really have any ideas.
I knew nothing about dealing with kids.
I was an only child, and I didn’t have any of my own. All I had to offer was my support, but I
didn’t know if it would be enough. I
felt like a broken record, “I’m sorry to hear that”, “It’s going to be okay.”,
“Don’t worry. It’ll work out”. I just needed to escape from it all for a
moment. So I took a walk and called my
husband. I was hoping he wasn’t busy and
could talk to me.
“Hey Baby!” Wood sounded delighted.
“Hey. It’s so good to hear your voice. Sorry I didn’t call sooner…it’s just been so
crazy. But I did text you!” I hoped he wouldn’t be upset.
“It’s okay, I appreciated the
text. Once I know you’re okay, I’m
okay. So, when are you coming home?”
“Monday. I’ll be there when you get home. And I’ll have on something sexy for you.”
“Really, I can’t wait. I might just come home early.”
“You should.”
“Then I will.”
“So do you miss me?” I blushed in anticipation of what I knew
would be flattery.
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know, maybe a little.”
“Try a whole lot. I miss your smell and your warmth—I twisted
and turned all night without you. I
guess my hands were restless.” I enjoyed
the flattery.
“Finally I just gave in and ended
up watching TV until I fell asleep.”
“So you’re falling apart without
me, is what you’re saying?” I said
blushing and smiling from ear to ear.
“Pretty much, so don’t be late. I’ll
see you Monday after work.”
“Bye baby.” I said remembering why I was so in love with
this man. He was so sweet; so generous;
so understanding; so in love with me.
“Bye my lady. I love you.”
“I love you more. I promise.”
I smiled
“Okay you win.”
“Bye.” I hung up the phone and was feeling steady once
again. Wood had a way of doing
that. I walked slowly back to the room
where Camie and Aisha were resenting having to go out and face the world amidst
their crisis. I remembered to breathe—a
practice I had learned years earlier.
Honestly, since Nora’s letter, it had become somewhat difficult to keep my
mind in the happy place it had gotten used to.
It was hard to care without carrying the burdens. I thought about how stable everyone had appeared
to be just less than a year ago, and now with a sudden and unexpected breeze
everything was fleeting. It made me
wonder if this was what I had to look forward to. Was chaos inevitable or did Camie, Aisha, and
Ketly simply miscalculate their steps? I
couldn’t tell, but I did feel a slight nudge; like something or someone was
trying to push me forward into something new.
Right then, I felt a chill that ran through my whole body, and I was no
longer conscious of my breathing. I
quickened my steps.
Going to Meet Hannah
(Narrated by Aisha)
(Narrated by Aisha)
Our drive to Erilyn’s house started
out rather quietly. Kayla was checked in
somewhere in her head—perhaps thinking about her handsome beau. Camie was nervously switching the radio from
station to station. I couldn’t figure
out what she wanted to hear, if anything really, because she had tuned away
from so many great songs. I myself, well
I continued to listen to the many possible dialogues I could have with my
husband. And though it was exhausting,
it sure did beat the nightmares. That
was the worst part of finding out I was living a lie—trying to figure out “on
which night”, “on the other side of which phone call”, “which dozen roses”,
“which hot shower”…Which one of these events was directly connected to the lie;
the cover up; the smoothing over?
Feeling like a fool was not something I took lightly. I had worked too hard to prove I was no
fool. I had degrees, status, and
materials to prove it, and if my father was still alive he would be eating his
words and washing them down with more alcohol.
Even when I was dancing, I was nobody’s fool. I knew what my goal was, and I never for a
second allowed myself to forget. Other
than my skin, nothing about me was soft.
I was in character from the time I walked through the door, until the
time I sat on the last lap. But I no
longer wanted to play a role. I had
searched tirelessly underneath the façade to find myself, and had waited too
long to love again. So, why had this
happened? Was I being punished for
educating myself on the backs of lost souls, or was it the pay back for
educating myself at the cost of my own dignity?
I wasn’t sure, but something was rising to the surface.
We pulled
up to Camie’s sister’s house, and the open ended silence everyone had come to
appreciate was broken.
“Okay, so there’s just one other
thing I must tell you all.” Camie looked
totally out of her element.
“My real name is actually Jennifer, so don’t
look shocked when you hear it.” Camie
clarified. I looked on without a single
word. I couldn’t help but feel like
everything I thought I knew about Camie was a big lie. I glanced over at Kayla, but I couldn’t read
her. It was an awkward moment to say the
least!
“You ladies ready?” Camie asked after taking what was not a
shallow breath.
“Ready!” I said sarcastically feeling somewhat of a
puppet in Camie’s stage play.
“Just breathe.” Kayla offered.
Erilyn
cordially greeted us at the door with a look of surprise. I suddenly couldn’t help but display my
discomfort. First of all, I didn’t even
get what Camie was hoping Kayla and I could bring to the table. She had better be glad I was in no hurry to get
back home, because I would have made a u-turn right then. The three of us took
Erilyn’s invitation to sit, as we eagerly awaited the guest of the hour. Moments later she returned from the adjoining
kitchen with drinks for Kayla and I, but Camie suddenly halted her hosting with
an abrupt,
“Where’s Hannah?”
“She’s in her room. I’ll get her.” Erilyn retorted. She took the staircase up to the second level,
and we just sat all hoping that it would go smoothly. After a short wait, Hannah revealed herself;
following her aunt down into the crowded living room. I suspected she was wondering why the extra
bodies, but mostly I was hoping she would know which of us was her mother. Hannah politely sat on the loveseat in front
of us, and Camie quickly got up and joined her there. There was not a single sparkle in Hannah’s
eyes. I didn’t know if it was her
reluctance to see her mother, or if she was truly unhappy. I continued to pay quiet attention to
her. I looked over at Kayla, and we
shared a quizzical smile.
“Hannah, it’s so good to see
you. How are you?” Camie looked sorry and desperate.
“I’m fine.” Hannah was not giving any free passes.
“I’m fine.” Hannah was not giving any free passes.
“I’m really sorry I haven’t been up
here to see you. There’s really no good
reason, and I don’t want to insult you by giving you some lame excuse. I just hope you can forgive me.” Camie poured her heart out on Hannah’s cold
exterior.
“Who are these people?”
“These are two of my best friends
Kayla and Aisha.
“Why are they here?” Without Hannah’s knowledge, every word was
hard hitting; not to mention, straight to the point. Erilyn looked on from the
entryway of the kitchen. I could feel
her discomfort, and I could almost hear her saying,
“Hannah, please just talk to her.”
“Hannah, you’re mom realizes that
she’s made some really huge mistakes, and so she asked us to be here for her
support.” Kayla boldly stated.
“So I should just forget about
it.” Hannah shot back at Kayla.
“Probably not but maybe you can create
some space for forgiveness.” I couldn’t
help but do a double take. I had never
heard Kayla speak like that. She sounded
like a guru or something.
“Maybe.”
“Maybe.”
“That’s okay sweetie.” Camie chimed in.
I know it will take time, and that’s why I’ve decided to stay here to
work on it.” I heard the words “stay
here” come from Camie’s mouth, but it didn’t fully register. It was such an unlikely turn of events. This place just didn’t seem to be Camie’s
speed. I could see why she had
left.
“Here where?” Hannah was as shocked—no she was definitely
more shocked than I.
“Here, in Tampa.” Camie clarified.
“Great.” Hannah said contradicting her expression.
“Jennifer are you sure that’s the
right thing to do?” Erilyn tried to slow
down the process.
“I’m sure. I’ve thought long and hard. It’s what I need to do.” Camie responded in a “stick-it-to-ya” kind of
a way while taking to her feet.
“Hannah, say good-bye. Let me talk with your mother.” Kayla and I sat there hoping that the claws
wouldn’t fully emerge.
“Why didn’t you talk with me about
this first?” Erilyn pleaded.
“For what? I don’t need your approval. All you need to know is that I’m going to be
in the picture from now on. So be happy,
she doesn’t only have one of her parents, now she has both.”
“Fine, but remember, I’m her
guardian, and I expect you to respect that.”
Erilyn had neglected passive for aggressive. Camie walked toward the door, and Kayla and I
quickly followed hurrying our thank you and good-bye.
Without any delay— the moment we got into the car, I
began with my line of questioning.
“So you’re really staying?”
“I think so! If I
don’t I might lose Hannah forever.”
Camie did seem sure.
“Have you really thought it through, or were you just
trying to get to your sister?”
“No, I really have been considering it, and after sitting
with Hannah today I just know that it’s now or never.”
“I agree. I think
you definitely have to show her that you’re not causing all this fuss only to
go back into your own world in a couple of days.” Kayla sounded so wise.
“What about your work?”
I pressed on.
“I’ll just have to spread my wings. I’m sure my clients have friends and
associates up here that they can refer to me.
It will just have to work.
There’s more at stake than my work right now.”
“So, when did you decide that Hannah was going to be
first and not last?” I challenged
Camie’s “mommy dearest” position. Camie
turned her head and our eyes locked, but I didn’t blink! She seemed annoyed— like she was about to let
me have it, yet it wasn’t in my nature to back off, and my eyes conveyed that
message.
“You know what…I’m so tired of your self-righteous crap! You so perfect, and you got all this stuff
yet your man is stepping out on you; not to mention stepping all over your
desperate behind.”
“Desperate?”
“Yeah, I said it.”
Camie shot back.
“Well maybe I’m not the best when it comes to picking men,
but you got to be real selfish and down right trifling to walk away from your
role as a mother.”
“Selfish? Aisha,
you’re the most selfish person I know!
“Well, if you knew yourself Camie….oh, I mean
Jennifer—you would know different.”
“Ladies, Ladies….can we not do this?” Kayla yelled adding to the madness.
“What?” I asked
knowing Kayla was about to side with Camie.
“Let’s not kick each other when we’re down.” Kayla urged.
“All I’m doing is trying to be real with a sistah. You’re sitting there acting as if you’re not
thinking the same things I’m thinking.
How does it feel “best friend” to know that you don’t even know your
girl?”
“It feels like we all have some secrets…some we might
share, and some that we’re too ashamed to share, but none-the-less;
secrets.” Kayla almost seemed like
someone else; someone more grown up and less emotional. I felt like I was part of some freak show.
“Whatever! You two
are always going to side with each other.”
“It’s not about sides, it’s about position, and my
position is clear. Nobody’s perfect and
nobody will ever be, so let’s stop trying.”
Kayla was stern but still calm. I
realized that I couldn’t win among the two, and decided to retreat. I hadn’t even realized that Camie had pulled
off to the side of the road. Suddenly
there was a frightening amount of silence in the car. The disconnection between Camie and I was
vast, and I didn’t know how we were going to get through the rest of the
day. I thought about renting myself a
car and leaving early, but I was still unprepared to deal with my own
problems.
“Do you want to go check out some apartments while we’re
here?” Kayla easily found a way to break
the silence.
“I guess that would be a good use of time.” Camie replied.
“Can we grab something to eat first?” I found my place within the short
dialogue.
“Yeah, I know a place.” Camie’s voice was once again
gentle.
Start Chapter 12 now: https://abetterpairofshoes.blogspot.com/2017/06/chapters-12-and-13-ketly-rebounds-and.html
Start Chapter 12 now: https://abetterpairofshoes.blogspot.com/2017/06/chapters-12-and-13-ketly-rebounds-and.html
A Better Pair
of Shoes, a novel © Grace Call Communications,
LLC Copyright
©2010, 2016, 2017 by Natisha Renee Williams All
rRghts Reserved
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