The novel takes you on a transformational journey with the women of "Renegotiating Kayla". Read along as the women let go of their public faces, and begin to reveal fears and truths. You will witness an unarmoring of each character’s confidence, as they heed the warning to get real, and in particular, real honest. *Read Chapters in Sequence using the Index.
A Better Pair of Shoes, a novel Chapter 30 Kayla
in Woods Shoes
Wood continued to attend church on Sundays. I had accompanied him a hand full of times,
but I just wasn’t there with God. He
didn’t allow it to break our bond, and gave me the space to sort out my
feelings. This Sunday I had gotten up
early, and began looking for something to wear.
Once I knew what, I looked for a tie that would match my ensemble for
Wood to wear. In fact, I went ahead and
ironed him a shirt too. From
there, I moved on to breakfast. Nothing
major—just scrambled eggs, toast, and fruit.
We arrived before the parking lot got crowded, and found
a spot near the entrance. I looked at
the service bulletin, and saw that the message was titled “Healing is in
Honesty”. Right away, I thought about
all the ways in which honesty had made way for my love with Wood to blossom
into something truly healing. I really
didn’t have the words to express the effect his love and devotion had on
me. Even Ketly couldn’t have written a
personality this good. He was like
nothing I’d ever seen or heard of. I
never even thought of a love this good.
I didn’t know it existed, and even if I had thought of it, I didn’t
think it could come to me. I looked over
at Wood and him at me and we shared a smile.
He didn’t say it, but I knew he was happy to have me along. The more the pastor went into the message,
the more I remembered that I still had another secret. I felt since the day I’d met with Tony, that
this final secret from my past life, was determined not to be kept secret any
longer. I tried to imagine how it had
gotten loose. I didn’t understand what
malice had brought my resentful past into the future. It was not yet clear to me, what type of
healing, letting go of this secret could hold for me or my marriage. Therefore, I continued to battle with the
thought of coming clean. I was actually
almost settled on just waiting to see how the situation with Tony and Aisha
would play out, and just keeping my mouth shut, but now here I was, at church,
soaking up this opposing message.
Back in the car, I felt a pinch, and decided it was
time. I reached up and shut the radio
off. Wood looked over puzzled, and was
probably just about to ask what had gotten into me, but I was the first to
“I need to tell you something.” I said plainly.
replied like a soldier in full armor.
“First, I need to say sorry for not giving this up before
we said our vows.” I began to think on how
hurtful it might be—the fact that he had said yes to something, without
understanding all of what that something was. I’d never really seen it that way, but something
had come over me, and I found myself standing in his shoes. For the first time I could see my role as a
wife, beyond the term wife. Before,
whenever I would examine our relationship, I always thought about how much love
he poured out to me, but this time, I was called to look at the context of my
love. My betrayal was clear to me, and
made my love feel like a fraud.
bad?” I could see that Wood was trying to
measure the weight of my deceit.
“It’s worth pulling over.” I offered what I could.
responded with a bit of a dent in his armor.
Wood quickly circled back and
found a spot. I removed my seatbelt, and
positioned my body toward my husband. He
then unfastened his as well, and I took his right hand into both of mines.
“Wood, I love you.
I love you and I never thought to hurt you in anyway.” Wood looked on seriously, and before I could
get out another word or any of the tears that had begun to well up in his eyes,
could break away, he suggested.
“If what you want to tell me is going to break my heart
Kayla… Don’t tell me. I mean it. Just hold on to it.” He found more strength and faith and love.
“But Pastor said…”
“Kayla, I can’t turn back. I love you and I want this marriage.”
“I do too.” I
assured my love.
“So why do you insist on keeping things from me?” I was certain Wood had gone off on some other
page I wasn’t aware of.
“What do you mean?”
I was lost. Wood had already
pulled his hand away and was now fastening his seatbelt once again. I saw him put the car in reverse and began
exiting the parking lot.
“What did I miss?” I thought.
“You should know that I know about Dr. Shepherd.” Wood didn’t hold out.
“I was going to tell you.
“It’s just what? I
said yes Kayla— and every day I try to remind you of that, but you can’t hear
it.” Wood’s voice was raised.
“That’s why I decided to go. I’m trying.”
I really was trying my best to be a wife.
“You don’t have to try so hard. Just quit with all the secrets.” Wood pleaded.
“I will.” I
quickly agreed, but didn’t really know what that would mean. It had always been my advantage; to control
what people knew about me. Maybe it was
everyone’s advantage, but here and now I was being asked to hand it over. I found safety though, knowing it was all
safe in the hands of my husband.