The novel takes you on a transformational journey with the women of "Renegotiating Kayla". Read along as the women let go of their public faces, and begin to reveal fears and truths. You will witness an unarmoring of each character’s confidence, as they heed the warning to get real, and in particular, real honest. *Read Chapters in Sequence using the Index.
Wood drew his body close to me and kissed my cheek. The last thing I remembered was kneeling at the foot of our bed, in front of the large floor to ceiling framed mirror Camie had insisted upon being part of the room’s décor. My husband’s abs were hard. His thighs bulged with muscles, and I could feel those too. I could smell soap on his skin and felt that
he was wearing underpants. Obviously he
had showered after I had probably passed out.
“Good Morning.” Wood"s voice stole the quietness.
“You must be tired after the way you behaved last night.”
I couldn’t tell if I was being scolded or teased.
“How did I behave?”
I must have blacked out.
“Well let’s just say, you really missed me.” Wood was choosing his words very carefully
which made me worry.
“I’ve never seen that part of you.”
“Which part of me?” I tried to get more insight.
“That part that never seems to get satisfied.” Wood was blunt.
“Did you enjoy it?”
“I did. But it
“Scares you? Why?”
“Because it’s a strong spirit! It can be hard to control.”
“The spirit of lust.
I bet you don’t even remember all that went on last night!” Wood was now sitting up against the head
“Are you scolding me?”
I was defensive.
“No. I love
you. I’m just being honest with you, and
telling you that you need to talk to someone.
It’s hard to trust you with my heart with that kind of lust in
you.” It was a mouthful. And if I hadn’t known better, I would have
thought Wood was studied; the way he talked.
I felt cheap—the way I had felt many nights with my many lovers. I felt so ashamed and could hardly face my
husband. I thought to run to the
bathroom, lock the door, and just stay there forever this time. Instead I remained in our bed, covered my
face, and cried.
“Kayla, I love you.
I don’t want you to be ashamed. I
know where you’ve been, and I get it. I
just want you to get some help.”
“It’s not that easy.
I don’t want to go back there. I
don’t want to remember.” I cried some
“Do it for us—for our marriage.” Wood urged.
“Ain’t nothing wrong with wanting to have sex. I can control my urges. I sustained with you!” I recognized the lie as soon as it was said.
“Because I was determined to see you keep that promise to
yourself. How many times did you beg me
and how many nights did I use my fingers to ease that spirit.”
“Screw you! Don’t talk to me like that!” I was now filled with another seeming spirit;
one of rage. I took my hand, and in one swipe, I knocked everything from the
top of Wood’s dresser.
“You think you better than me? You and your God!” I took the lamp up from my nightstand and
shattered the over-sized mirror. My head
frantically moved from side to side as I scanned the room for another thing to
“Kayla! Kayla stop!”
A strong stern voice came from Wood’s mouth. It was a voice I had never heard. It stopped me dead in my tracks. It broke my fit, and I dropped to my knees. Suddenly, I knew I was naked in front of my
husband. I held my naked body. My little girl was back again, and she was
still broken. Wood came to me without
any hesitation, and covered me. He
wasn’t afraid of my rage, my history, or my brokenness. It was as though he could only see my soul
and its inherent good.
“I’m sorry. I
didn’t mean to belittle you. I know how
hard you try, and I know it’s difficult.
“I never wanted you to know these parts of me.”
“I don’t love you any less.” Wood swore.
“I don’t want to lose your trust. I want to repay you for loving me the way you
“Take care of yourself and you automatically take care of
me.” Wood was so generous—so kind and
loving. I still wasn’t sure if I
deserved him, but I was grateful. Then a
thought came to mind—what if it wasn’t my
lust that most worried my husband.
Out of the silence, I heard…
“You know you don’t have to do this alone. I’ll be here.
I’m not going anywhere.” Wood
held me close.