Chapter 16, Kayla Upon Her Return

A Better Pair of Shoes, a novel
Chapter 16

Kayla Upon Her Return

Wood drew his body close to me and kissed my cheek.  The last thing I remembered was kneeling at the foot of our bed, in front of the large floor to ceiling framed mirror Camie had insisted upon being part of the room’s décor.  My husband’s abs were hard.  His thighs bulged with muscles, and I could feel those too. I could smell soap on his skin and felt that he was wearing underpants.  Obviously he had showered after I had probably passed out.

            “Good Morning.”  Wood"s voice stole the quietness.
            “You must be tired after the way you behaved last night.” I couldn’t tell if I was being scolded or teased.
            “How did I behave?”  I must have blacked out.
            “Well let’s just say, you really missed me.”  Wood was choosing his words very carefully which made me worry.
            “I’ve never seen that part of you.”
            “Which part of me?”  I tried to get more insight.
            “That part that never seems to get satisfied.”  Wood was blunt.
            “Did you enjoy it?”   
            “I did.  But it scares me!”
            “Scares you?  Why?”
            “Because it’s a strong spirit!  It can be hard to control.”
            “What spirit?”
            “The spirit of lust.  I bet you don’t even remember all that went on last night!”  Wood was now sitting up against the head board.
            “Are you scolding me?”  I was defensive.
            “No.  I love you.  I’m just being honest with you, and telling you that you need to talk to someone.   It’s hard to trust you with my heart with that kind of lust in you.”  It was a mouthful.  And if I hadn’t known better, I would have thought Wood was studied; the way he talked.  I felt cheap—the way I had felt many nights with my many lovers.  I felt so ashamed and could hardly face my husband.  I thought to run to the bathroom, lock the door, and just stay there forever this time.  Instead I remained in our bed, covered my face, and cried.
            “Kayla, I love you.  I don’t want you to be ashamed.  I know where you’ve been, and I get it.  I just want you to get some help.”
            “It’s not that easy.  I don’t want to go back there.  I don’t want to remember.”  I cried some more.
            “Do it for us—for our marriage.”  Wood urged.
            “Ain’t nothing wrong with wanting to have sex.  I can control my urges.  I sustained with you!”  I recognized the lie as soon as it was said.
            “Because I was determined to see you keep that promise to yourself.  How many times did you beg me and how many nights did I use my fingers to ease that spirit.”
            “Screw you! Don’t talk to me like that!”  I was now filled with another seeming spirit; one of rage. I took my hand, and in one swipe, I knocked everything from the top of Wood’s dresser.
            “You think you better than me?  You and your God!”  I took the lamp up from my nightstand and shattered the over-sized mirror.  My head frantically moved from side to side as I scanned the room for another thing to destroy.
            “Kayla! Kayla stop!”  A strong stern voice came from Wood’s mouth.  It was a voice I had never heard.  It stopped me dead in my tracks.  It broke my fit, and I dropped to my knees.  Suddenly, I knew I was naked in front of my husband.  I held my naked body.  My little girl was back again, and she was still broken.  Wood came to me without any hesitation, and covered me.  He wasn’t afraid of my rage, my history, or my brokenness.  It was as though he could only see my soul and its inherent good.
            “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to belittle you.  I know how hard you try, and I know it’s difficult.  Forgive me.”
            “I never wanted you to know these parts of me.”
            “I don’t love you any less.”  Wood swore.
            “I don’t want to lose your trust.  I want to repay you for loving me the way you do.”
            “Take care of yourself and you automatically take care of me.”  Wood was so generous—so kind and loving.  I still wasn’t sure if I deserved him, but I was grateful.  Then a thought came to mind—what if it wasn’t my lust that most worried my husband

            Out of the silence, I heard…
            “You know you don’t have to do this alone.  I’ll be here.  I’m not going anywhere.”  Wood held me close.

A Better Pair of Shoes, a novel © Grace Call Communications, LLC Copyright ©2010, 2016, 2017 by Natisha Renee Williams All Rights Reserved