Chapter 6, Camie's Little Girl

A Better Pair of Shoes, a novel
Chapter 6


Camie’s Little Girl

I checked into a nearby hotel and waited for morning to come.  I was anxious to see Hannah.  I planned to take her shopping or to a movie or something; anything; just the two of us.  I wanted to have another chance at being a mother.  I told myself it wasn’t too late, and that she would be happy to see me.  I thought about the possibility of getting married, and maybe having more children.  It was a good time for these things.  I had accomplished most of my personal goals, and I could actually afford to have kids.  The only problem as I saw it would be meeting a good man.  That was always my problem, and I used to think every woman’s problem but lately all my girlfriends were so damn happy; well almost all.  I was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with me.  I think it’s the question that every woman begins to ask herself more seriously when thirty is nearing.  Honestly, I still can’t believe that I actually thought that Q and I could work.  Maybe I just wanted to share in some of the bliss that everyone was feeling at the time.  And although part of me knew it really couldn’t work in the long term; it still hurts to learn that you’re not good enough.   I mean I’m getting older, and I’m getting tired of playing this game.  I just want to chill with somebody; one body—you know.  I’ve had enough of trying to prove that two can play the game; I mean there’s got to be something more to life than revenge.   Shit, I’ve had all the revenge I can stand for a life time.  Where do I go from here?  That’s the question I been asking myself lately.  And something just keeps telling me “retrace your steps”.  Now I’m at the place where it all started, and I don’t know if I’m controlling my steps or if my steps are controlling me—but I’m guessing tomorrow will have a lot to say about it.
           
I woke up before the alarm rang; still anxious; still hopeful that Hannah would not reject me.  I got on my knees and began praying; a thing I hadn’t done in years.  I asked for God to help me find the words to explain to my child why I’d been away for so long.  Yet I really didn’t think that I would get such a quick turnaround seeing that I wasn’t very deserving.  When I got to Erilyn’s house I noticed three cars parked in front of the house.  I suspected the third was Derek’s.  I took a huge deep breath and then walked up to the door that was quietly mediating a horrible situation.  I didn’t know what to expect, but I tried to prepare myself for the worst possible outcome.  I rung the bell, and Erilyn opened on the first ring. 
“Good Morning.”  I offered almost unwillingly.
“Hey.  Derek’s here.  Hannah’s upstairs, but she’s not in a good mood.”

 As I entered the living room I spotted Derek, and softly muttered the words good morning.  I passed him straight, and took the stairs to Hannah’s bedroom.  I turned the knob, but the door was locked.  I knocked but no answer.  I called out to her but still no answer.  I could hear Erilyn coming up the stairs.  I was hoping she could help me to get Hannah to open the door, but she didn’t offer any help.
“Maybe you should give her some time.  She hasn’t seen you in so long, and she’s upset that you demanded she come home early.”  My sister was whispering.
“So, she’s a woman now.  She can lock her door and just decide that she’s not going to see me.  And you’re okay with this.”
“Jen, you can’t just disregard her feelings because you’re her mother.  I don’t think that’s fair.”
“So when do you think she’ll be ready to see me?”
“I’ll talk to her.  Just give it a day or two.” 
“Fine, but just a couple of days.  I’m not going to deal with this for very long.  And why is Derek still here?  I hope he doesn’t think she’s going back with him.”
“Why don’t you discuss that with him?”
“I don’t need to discuss anything with that man.”
“Must you be so unreasonable?”  Erilyn looked at me with more pleading.
“Yes.  You had no right bringing him back into her life without my permission.  And I’m not fooling around.  I will take this to court if I have to.”
“And you’ll lose.  Maybe not to Derek, but I’m sure you will to me.  So, think about what you’re doing.”  My sister had gotten finished pleading with me.  Erilyn’s words reached me deep, and I couldn’t say a word.  Honestly, I knew I couldn’t contest her.  All that she had done for Hannah; all these years—while all I did was write out a check without a second thought.  Who was I really kidding?  I knew better.  But I still had to have the last word.  So I quickly threw my status in her face.
“Money talks and mountains move.”
I saw the retreat in her demeanor, and I turned my back to take the stairs, while I relished in my satisfaction.  I stormed back into the room where Derek was still sitting and shouted, “can I have a word with you” without missing a single step.  I walked through the front door and out to the driveway.   
“Where do you get off?  Do you really believe you have a right to be in my child’s life?”  I asked while reminiscing on the first months after Derek had left. 
“Well, I could ask you the same thing….couldn’t I.  I’ve been around for quite some time, and I haven’t seen you anywhere.  The truth is we both have made some mistakes.”  Derek talked as if we had more in common than not.
“It’s easy for you to compare us, but it seems you’ve forgotten that I have never been completely, one-hundred percent out of Hannah’s life.  Yes, I’ve been away for a while and I know she’s upset, but if she can accept you, she damn well will accept me.”
“I’m not trying to take Hannah away.  I’m just trying to right my wrongs, and I’m guessing that’s what you’re trying to do too.  I know right now you’re upset at me because I have the very thing you want; her forgiveness; but I had to work for it.  I didn’t just show up and demand her affection.  I knew it would take time and work.  But I guess you really do believe that money talks and mountains move.”  Derek had served me a dish too cold to swallow.  I didn’t know how to respond.  I jumped into my car and sped off.    




A Better Pair of Shoes, a novel © Grace Call Communications, LLC Copyright ©2010, 2016, 2017 by Natisha Renee Williams All Rights Reserved

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