A Better Pair of Shoes, a novel
Chapter 37
Camie’s
Dream
Derek and I spoke a lot about where to go from where we now were. We would have both loved to approach our love like teenagers, but we were not. We had to decide now what our intentions were, and what the distance would be. I suggested we tell Hannah what our plans were that night after her party. I also thought it would be a good time to unveil her new bedroom to her. I’d already shown Derek, and he was really excited for her. He drove separately to my apartment, and agreed to stay in the car, until it made sense to come up. On the way there, Hannah continued to speak about the party, and I tried to listen to her while my thoughts were also demanding my attention. I knew Hannah would love the room; that was the easy part. Everything else seemed to have too many variables. I didn’t do well with variables. My hands were vibrating, and I tried to shake them free discreetly by running my hands through my hair. The dilemma wasn’t necessarily how to run my life, but more of how to run my life with my child in mind. I’d taken a pass on this road in the past, and now here I was trying to face it.
Derek and I spoke a lot about where to go from where we now were. We would have both loved to approach our love like teenagers, but we were not. We had to decide now what our intentions were, and what the distance would be. I suggested we tell Hannah what our plans were that night after her party. I also thought it would be a good time to unveil her new bedroom to her. I’d already shown Derek, and he was really excited for her. He drove separately to my apartment, and agreed to stay in the car, until it made sense to come up. On the way there, Hannah continued to speak about the party, and I tried to listen to her while my thoughts were also demanding my attention. I knew Hannah would love the room; that was the easy part. Everything else seemed to have too many variables. I didn’t do well with variables. My hands were vibrating, and I tried to shake them free discreetly by running my hands through my hair. The dilemma wasn’t necessarily how to run my life, but more of how to run my life with my child in mind. I’d taken a pass on this road in the past, and now here I was trying to face it.
I opened the
door to Hannah’s room, and turned the light on to reveal all the things she’d
picked out, and a whole lot more. I
could see her amazement and wonder. She
looked up and down and turned around to capture it all. It was dreamy. My favorite was the chandelier her father and
I had picked out. I looked on as she
reached down to remove her shoes, and then took a huge leap onto the bed. In my mind, I pictured her there always. I showed her a couple of cool things I’d
filled her draws with, and then left her alone for a bit to check it all out.
I quickly
texted Derek to make his way up, and found myself in the bathroom with my back
against the door. “What if she thinks it
was all just to smooth things over?” I
thought. I saw Derek’s text, and moved
quickly to let him in. He certainly did not
appear nearly as nervous as I did, but I knew he did get my fears.
“How’d it go?”
“Awesome. She loves it.”
“So are you ready
for this?” Derek whispered.
“I guess. Why don’t you do the talking? She trusts you.” I couldn’t handle it.
“Stay here.” Derek kissed me on
the cheek, and headed right for Hannah’s bedroom. I took his words loosely, and stood just a
few steps down the hall from Hannah’s room.
“Hi Hannah.”
“Hi Dad!” Hannah was still riding the waves of a day
filled with fun and excitement, and it could be heard in her voice.
“I didn’t know you
were coming.”
“I know. I didn’t want to miss the revealing of your
new room. So, do you love it?”
“I do. It’s just what I thought!”
“Did you give your
mom a big hug?” Derek had thought of
something I hadn’t stop to think of, but also didn’t require.
“No, not yet. But I will.” Hannah replied. The truth was I had enjoyed every moment of
putting the room together, and getting to know more about Hannah. It was the best of both worlds; doing what I
loved for someone I loved. But I did
look forward to her hug. We hadn’t quite
gotten there yet, but I was more than hopeful now.
“Okay, but don’t
forget.”
“I won’t.”
“You do know that she loves you right?”
Derek pulled another unexpected question into the open.
“I guess.” Hannah did not let the impressions of the day
rule over her.
“Well she does,
and she and I were thinking we could all be together as a family.” As the words left his mouth, I felt my hand
cover my mouth.
“Maybe.” I heard Hannah’s light and swift response that
had just enough hope to keep me standing.
“What does that
mean, maybe?” Derek remained calm and
his voice was gentle. Yet, unlike me, he
was unsatisfied with maybe.
“Maybe it’s not
such a bad idea.” Hannah replied and I
fell to my knees. I sat on my legs with
my face to the ground, and with my arms wrapped around my waist. I didn’t understand the mercy I was being
shown. I didn’t understand how all of
this had happened in the blink of an eye.
The more real it became, the more I was a wreck.
“Go give your mom a hug.” I heard
and shortly thereafter there were two small feet on the ground beside my head. We both made up the distance and then came a
big, rich, tight hug. I looked up from
there, and there stood before me, a giant of a man.
A Better Pair
of Shoes, a novel © Grace Call Communications,
LLC Copyright
©2010, 2016, 2017 by Natisha Renee Williams All Rights Reserved
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