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#ABPOS The Thinner Soul, Chp. 18
Jeff- I was raised by my grandmother. My father's mother that is. I've never met my mother or any of her family members. She just wasn't there. She hadn't been a distant awareness or a part of the factory settings. Any fall back I could resort to was my grandmother Dorsey Dunbar, but she was gone now. I'd only seen pictures of her and her husband. He also wasn't there. She had a tradition however of using the "D" in Dunbar to create the household and community names we often went by. In the neighborhood, she was known solely as Ms. Dordy. That's "Dor" for Dorsey and "d" for Dunbar. I was about nine years old when I'd put it all together. It was the mail carrier that brought truth and light with him. I was Jed. And my father; he was Tod. His name is Timothy Dunbar. He was killed in a robbery when I was young. Until now, I hadn't put any connection between his killing and the name Dunbar, and my grandmother Dorsey never said much except Jed do this or Jed do that. Now that it's on the table, she also prompted me to introduce myself in an understated way.
"Jed, you to say hello." And I often simply said hello. I heard my name in class, but I was never taught to hold it in any particular distinction. Just as my grandmother Dorsey heard her name whenever she had a package delivered, but never held it in any particular distinction. She only ever responded, "I'm Dordy. Ms. Dordy." or "Dordy here." And it taught me to do the same. It taught me to be Jed, and to save Jeff Dunbar for more prestigious occasions.
Finally, I thought Jeff Dunbar was fitting of my first book. It was a last minute decision to publish my full name and not Jed Dunbar. We'd thought it a more endearing appeal, but suddenly I was ready to fill out the unworn shoes. Suddenly, I had enough in my pocket and in my life's well to present myself as my name had desired to present me. I never felt reason to look back, and though it was a bigger shoe-- a size up I could feel the minute I stepped in, I believed it was a better pair of shoes.
Now, I felt I needed to understand Radiance's connection to the Dunbar name. We'd officially met over the matter two times. We'd talked about it in a respectful and trusting way when we first became aware of each other, but this time I had hoped for something that would connect our families and perhaps give us both more insight than we had. There was nothing. We only found dead ends--the absent and the absent minded or the dead and the dead and gone.
I'd been thinking, maybe the reader at the gallery was my best bet to find the real name of my grandfather. After all, Ted is not for Theodore.
A Better Pair of Shoes “The Thinner Soul”, a novel
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