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#ABPOS The Thinner Soul, Chp. 10
Radiance- It's the pieces he's able to fill in that makes rekindling more tangible than not. There's only two questions however that I'm reluctant to ask. I keep thinking it would either be the nail in the coffin or the shovel that piles the dirt over the coffin. Some days he remains quiet, and other days, it's like a Sunday afternoon. He hasn't mentioned the record either, and it's not like him. It's not like speaking with John. It's like exactly what it is. There's no clamor and there's barely any excitement. We know too much of each other, and we've buried too many bodies together to be like new. It's the bodies that he buried without me that dangles quietly between us however, and sometimes we just listen as they sway.
Obviously, I know why he gave me the songs. That's no secret. The moment was too big not to seize it, and that elevator went straight to the top. But it's the landing that left me more aggressive about the future than the climb ever did. It was the moment that everything I'd built honestly flashed before my eyes that I knew I had to carve something out for myself. After all Eaton was gone. Not that he'd been in the business of landings anyway.
These days all of our conversations started with him asking, "do you remember..?" It always made me smile. It was like he was curating something. Like he was working up to another elaborate moment, and I tried to enjoy the wait like I did when we were younger.
I could feel his presence with me at night, and in those moments we would put it all aside. I accepted the warmth. I remembered the kisses, and we continued in a pleasant-storybook facade. I never brought up his crimes, and he never filled in the blanks. I never asked where he was, and he never elaborated. We were stuck in a delicate balance, and I just about knew it was too delicate to come back to anything but I waited aimlessly to hear the next, "do you remember..?"
My days were busy and my nights were aimless. It was like the reality of being thirty-nine years, but being convinced I had lived forty. There was something needed in the middle-- an anchor. From what I could see that was John.
#ABPOS The Thinner Soul, Chp. 11
Jeff- When I was a kid, I never thought about it. There was too many fireworks to be taken away into wild dreams or aspirations. Now, it felt like the sky was no limit, and I would just keep building. I'd thought long and hard enough to know that I was at least going to suck up the thought of being laughed off, and that I was going to ask the questions necessary to uncover my family's relationship with the name Dunbar. I mean, exposure is everything, and I had become inclined at this story up that it was not natural to see a line in the sand without knowing who put it there.
It wasn't about more. It was a fairly clean curiosity. So, in the midst of all the things I had ongoing, I launched another. I didn't announce it to anyone; not even my wife. Not just yet. But I'd begun poking around and I had a few insights that only triggered bigger and deeper questions. If specie is really a thing or even acumen, I had to give myself the credit and not think singularly. It was the right time to go there, and I knew just enough gambling Dunbars.
A Better Pair of Shoes “The Thinner Soul”, a novel
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